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Push to End  "New Math"

The CRETIN Coalition's educational arm, Worldwide International Math Push (WIMP),
is preparing a major campaign to eliminate "New Math" across the nation.

The initial target will be junior and senior high schools in all 53 states.

"The problem with student's low math scores has been determined to be the use of calculators and computers" stated the CRETIN in charge of WIMP.

"So, we examined all the options to put the 'rithmetic back in math: abacuses; finger counting; prayer beads, etc. With many heated discussions and research in the plethora of ways the Bible addresses the math needs of the modern world, we have come to a conclusion."

To accomplish this lofty goal, The CRETIN Coalition has contracted with a major manufacturer to purchase 1,000,000 slide rules.

"As I figure it, if a slide rule was good enough for Moses, then its good enough for me."

"Not only will this sharpen student's math scores, but greatly increase hand and finger dexterity so needed to perform routine manual tasks" a WIMP added.

To give a "leg-up" to beginning students several enhancements were made to the slide rules.
The mark used to designate Pi, has been shifted over to 3.00000 from the difficult to use 3.14159.

In addition, a new designator, a small CROSS, has been added at the 12.25 point to simplify calculations involving the date of birth of our LORD (12/25/0000).

Year  2000  Compliant

Of course, Our slide rules are certified as Year 2000 Compliant.

"How would it look when the Savior shows up at the end of the Millennium
and we have slide rules that won't work in HIS new Kingdom?"

In addition, slide rules are environmentally friendly. The don't require either batteries or exposure to sunlight that solar-calculators need. So they are usable either indoors or outdoors, by kerosene lantern light or total darkness.

One CRETIN math student, when asked his opinion of the new slide rules raved:
"These are cool, like ... if a big comet or something hits the Earth, and you know, all civilization is, you know, wiped out and the world is plunged into, uh, total darkness, these slide rules will still work."

"You can't say that about calculators!"

Minority  Community  Involvement

And in keeping with The CRETIN Coalition's pledge to the minority communities:

We are commencing a campaign to encourage Afro-American students
to embrace our new slide rule program, with the slogan:

Don't be a Ni**er  . . .  Learn to Figure! SM

We think this should be a hit with all concerned CRETINs!

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